Depressed. | sezuan's Blog

Well.. I'm depressed. As usual. I keep telling myself to just stop it already and "snap out of it" like my dad used to tell me to do. But well, it isn't that easy. I kinda hate myself for that. I mean like, it shouldn't be so hard, right? Sometimes I feel like just hitting myself in the head and ask myself; "What the fuck are you doing, really? Get your shit together for fuck sake." Sometimes I even do it, but that doesn't make anything better.

After, well I dunno, it's maybe been over five years, I still haven't figured out  what makes me happy or why I am so depressed all the time. I personally think that the things I've been through shouldn't affect me like this - I feel pathetic and weak for even considering the fact that it might be the things I've been through that makes me feel like this. 

I just hate myself, honestly. I'm really god damn worthless and just pathetic. 

And the damn parental controls I have on my computer.. God fucking damn it.. I get logged off in 2 minutes. So then all I can do is to sit and be depressed until I fall asleep. Oh wait, now it's one minute. Better post this now.